Relapse

Neoma initiated a flare-up of my neurosis again. She told me I might be pregnant. I will admit, I am surprised that my cycle hasn’t started up again yet. I went through several weeks where I only nursed Rhys about once a day, and once or twice not at all. But apparently that wasn’t enough to kick start the system. As I sat in the temple several weeks ago wondering what instruction the Lord had for my life right now, I received the distinct impression not to rush weaning Rhys, so I’ve since backed off and he’s back to nursing several times a day.

I’ve been trying to get my body into a more fit condition, so I have been carefully tracking what I eat and maintaining a reduced calorie diet to reduce the calories stored in my body J. But I know that it is not good to be in a caloric deficit when you are pregnant or exclusively breastfeeding, so I have been hoping to make really good progress on weight loss before I get pregnant again.

Then Neoma had to go and say something about maybe I’m pregnant again. I can’t even remember what it was about, but she was serious, and so I suddenly started seriously questioning my calm acceptance that I would not get pregnant again until having at least one period. The latest two symptoms have been:

1) A couple of days ago I was sitting with Kevin on the couch and suddenly my lower abdomen got very tight inside—a particular long tightness that I recognized as experiencing when I was actually pregnant only once or twice right around 3 weeks along. I don’t know of anything else that causes it for me.

2) The other day I leaned over on one foot to kiss Kevin, which is not an uncommon thing for me to do, when all of a sudden I was falling over and had to grab on to Kevin for support. When I was pregnant with Rhys, before I could even notice any change in my shape, it suddenly seemed as if my center of balance had shifted and I would fall over whenever I did simple balancing things (squat down on the balls of my feet, lean over on one leg) that normally don’t take any thought at all.

So this is why I am pregnant right now. But I still don’t actually think that I am, but I do think that I am a little bit. And so it is time to go back on my medication: taking my temperature every morning. That keeps my hypopregnia in check because if I am not pregnant right now, then my temperature should be entirely inconsistent and swing widely because I’m also not menstruating. But if it is consistent, particularly if it is consistently on the high side, then I will know. I’ll keep you posted.