Through a series of events and spiritual directions, we ended up deciding to leave the state (Washington) to have a midwife-attended homebirth for our second child. We considered several options for our away-from-home-homebirth, but settled on Utah because I have so many family members and friends there, including a friend who had had a homebirth already and could put me in touch with midwives in the area. It is very strange interviewing midwives long-distance knowing you won’t be able to actually meet them until probably too late to change your mind, but I persevered, and I know that I was supported by the Lord in the choice I made.
The baby was due in the end of January, so we determined to travel to Utah right after New Years and stay with various relatives and friends as we waited for and welcomed our new baby. My husband’s work being what it is (away from home for a couple of weeks or a couple of months at a time and then home with no work at all for about the same), we simply requested the months of January and February off. It worked out really well, because winter is the slow season in his field, anyway.
The midwife we had chosen lives in Spanish Fork, UT. The relatives we were going to stay with live in Stansbury Park and Sandy, 90 minutes and 60 minutes from Spanish Fork, respectively. We decided to actually birth the baby at the home of the friend who had already had a homebirth and who had put me in touch with the midwife in the first place. The reason for this decision was very simple—she had invited us. It is a very awkward situation to try to figure out who you can go to and ask, “Can I have my baby at your house?”
Though I love my sister dearly, I have never been close to her before, due to the logistics of age and distance—she is about 16 years older and has lived in a different state for most of my life. Her husband is also a very reserved person, so I have know him even less well. I really had no idea how they would react to the suggestion. Looking back on it now, it doesn’t seem that awkward anymore, but that may be due largely to how much better acquainted and more comfortable I have been with them since staying with them for several weeks and also the fact that I am not a raging torrent of pregnancy hormones right now (at least, I have no physical proof that I am. That doesn’t stop my mind from finding every possible reason to believe I am, but I’m not allowed to acknowledge that).
I think I would have felt comfortable asking my mom if I could have the baby at her house, but I didn’t think it would go over so well with the condominium board of their retirement complex.
My friend, however, probably didn’t know what she was getting herself into when I called her up to ask about midwives in the area and she said, “You should come have your baby at my house!” because she was also pregnant—and due the day before I was, in addition to having a nearly 2-year-old of their own in a house too small for them already. However, it was an offer, and I called her up to make sure she was serious. She was, and so generous, and so we headed to Utah. After we got there, however, another friend of ours who lived in Salt Lake City offered to let us come to their house to have the baby because they had more room (we could have the whole downstairs to ourselves!) and although she was also pregnant, she wasn’t due for 2 more months. We discussed it and prayed about it, and took the offer. Though it was further from our midwife, it was closer to where we were staying, and I was very glad to remove the burden from our friend with so much less space and so very pregnant herself who probably really didn’t know what she was doing when she invited us to come.
A New Adventure!
3 years ago
3 comments:
This serious of posts was probably the most amazing thing I have ever read. Ever. I oddly enjoy reading about your experiences because the thought of childbirth terrifies me, but I want children... lots of them. I have time to worry about the fear but I feel like the more educated I am on the process of becoming and being pregnant as well as giving birth the less anxiety I will feel when my time finally comes. Over the last year or so I have really done a lot of research about home births, I had never thought I knew anyone who had chosen to have one. I watched a documentary that Ricki Lake did in 2007 called "The Business of Being Born." Which followed a few women through the process of home births. That was my first exposure to the concept of home birth and midwives. As I venture towards marriage (as closed off and reluctant as I am to ever fall in love, the truth is that the Lord has promised me the opportunity to marry and have children in this life... so my cynicism can take a back seat for a second!) and the eventuality of childbirth it is good to know I have someone I trust who will support my decision to have home births (as conditions allow, I know being realistic is important)
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All of that aside, your experience relating to the Atonement literally made me cry. Of everything that was shared in this series of posts I will have to say that was the part that touched me the most. I feel sorrow for those selfish souls in this world who feel that having children is 'inconvenient' and refuse to give anything of themselves to bring new life into this world. You summed up with beautiful elegance my entire feeling of what motherhood is supposed to be - that point of disregarding yourself so completely for the benefit of your child.
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You have such a beautiful spirit. I'm so grateful for your friendship. I do enjoy reading your blog as you are extremely gifted in articulation and voice. You should consider writing a novel! Seriously.
I love you, Delilah! I'm sorry I made you wait for a reply. Thank you for reading my story. It is gratifying to know it has helped someone else. For the record, Neoma is planning a homebirth with baby #3.
I don't remember, no, I think I do remember when I first started thinking about home/midwife attended births. One of my sisters had a midwife with 2 of her children--she birthed at the midwife's house instead of her own--and I'm pretty sure that is the first time I was aware of the option (I was about 10 at the time). I think I developed the opinion (founded on nothing concrete) that that sounded cool, but probably everyone should have at least their first baby in the hospital, at least until they know what it is like for them. I think I carried at least the memory of that opinion with me through my first pregnancy. That and the fact that I already had an OB that I was of course going to use really headed off any serious consideration of homebirths for me. I've always had the plan of natural birth, though.
It wasn't until after my first and unsuccessful natural birth attempt that I revisited the idea of a home/midwife birth so seriously. I've since totally recinded my "hospital for the first one" opinion. It isn't necessary as a matter of course. First births aren't more unpredictably risky than subsequent births, but circumstances can arise during even one birth in the hosptial (just like for me and 1 out of every 3 birthing mothers in the US) which will very permanently affect that woman's body and possibly her future childbearing capabilities. I'd rather go with a midwife's 5% c-section rate than a hospital's 33% any day.
That's my soapbox for now. Have a nice day!
My sister-in-law just gave birth to her third child. Because she's in the Navy -they decide when she gives birth- because her first wasn't ready when the Navy was and educing labor caused the birthing process to start while my nephew was breech... they jumped straight to c-section. Though they tell you that after having a c-section with one it's possible to have a natural birth again - it caused complications with their second child - my niece - meaning the Navy again jumped straight to c-section. With their third - they were not even given the option. They found out 2 months before she was born exactly when their daughter would be born because they scheduled the c-section.
THAT is what pushed me to learn more about alternative birth options. I feel that a woman has a God given right for her body to do what it needs to do and that child has the same right in being born when it is good and dang ready! To make birth more of a 'business' than an emotionally and spiritually gratifying experience to share with your new child.... is wrong.
C-section babies are also more likely to have a lot more problems in life.
C-sections should be for emergency delivery only -and not for the convenience of anyone.
THAT.. is MY soap box lol
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