At Peace

I am not pregnant. I am OK with this. I was really sad about a month ago when I not only determined my un-pregnancy anew, but also knew that with Kevin's upcoming extended absence for work there was no way that that could change for the next several cycles. I knew that in order for the Lord to keep saying no to what I am so certain truely is a righteous desire (Despite Kevin's periodic absenses this Summer, we really have had some solid opportunities to start a new baby, so it is no happenstance that we are not pregnant.) there must be a real and solid reason why.

I always hesitate to say that I have found the reason why anything I do not desire occurs despite all of my fervent and faithful prayers to the contrary. I actually cringe when I hear anyone say they have found the reason for their trial (whatever it is) because there are so many levels on which the Lord can teach us from any thing, and so many ways he can continually use even the most unpleasant circumstances for good.

This being said, I still really wanted to know why. If not the reason, then just some reason. As long as I could have some thing that I could look at and say, "It's actually very good, or fortunate that I am not pregnant because now X." I have found something, and it is enough for me.

Spurred on by a notice I recieved in the mail from my health insurance complany several weeks ago, informing me that at the beginning of the year my fabulous plan (which is an individual plan--we've never had employer-sponsored health insurance, and we've always paid for it out of pocket, thank you very much) would be discontinued at the end of the year and I would have to switch to a different policy that my insurance company now offered (No Thank You, Obamacare), I was galvinized into pursuing a resolution to the Carpel Tunnel symptoms I have been increasingly experiencing for the last several years. As it has come out, I will be able to have the surgery on both hands done by the end of November--just before Kevin gets home--which means I will be able to undergo surgery and whatever attendant recovery proceedures without any concern that I am or might be pregnant. That's huge! and wonderful!

And so I am at peace with my un-impending new motherhood.

For now.