I thought I was over it, mostly

Even though I know that after my first baby my cycles (and hence fertility) didn't start up again until after I stopped nursing and I really got into a pattern of trusting that and not believing I was pregnant, I am somehow relapsing, even though my second baby is now only 4 months old. I really believe that I will at least have an anovulatory period before I become fertile again, but I keep having "symptoms" of pregnancy that my mind automatically tries to twist into belief of prengnancy. I have to actively remind myself how whacked out my body was for several months after pregnancy, displaying pregnancy signs entirely out of context--severe tiredness, eratic weight fluctuations, internal burbbling, inexplicable nausia--simply because it was readjusting to no longer being pregnant.
The nice thing this time, though, is that I don't care as much. I don't think I am pregnant, but sometimes I think that I might be, and I am very excited about that thought, but I don't obsess about it because it doesn't matter to me so much whether the next one is right now or a year from now or more. This is a very strange new reality. With our first, I really, really, wanted one rignt now. I wanted to be started already. Now! With the second, I secretly really wanted another girl 18 months after the first so Willow could have a sister to love and grow up with just like I had my 19 month older sister. So timing was very important to me with the second as well. Now, however, I have no "ideal" in mind for the third that I am trying to meet. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself without my acustomed pregnancy fixation. Well, I can only hope that as time passes I will eventually come to a point when I will start thinking I should be pregnant already and it will all come back in it's glorious splendor to enthrall and consume my life once more.