Not This Time

Still not pregnant. But I'm at peace with this for right now. With Kevin being home and knowing that there's not really any more we can do on our end than we have done (without medical intervention, but I'm pretty sure we don't need that right now), and finding that the Lord is still contriving events so that no new child is coming to our family right now, He must have a really good reason for it. I don't know what that reason is, and I would still love to have another one soon, but I am beginning to see the wonderful things about not having a baby coming.

I can continue training for a triathlon like I want to do someday. (I just started this--don't be shocked. I'm nothing amazing right now, though I did swim 5/8 of a mile in the pool and run 3.25 miles on the track today, thankyouverymuch. I haven't been back on my bike since the hand surgery yet. I'll tell you how it goes, though probably not here.) I can spend lots of individual time with Willow and Rhys, which is way fun. I can take whatever medication I feel like. Plans for the next few years will likely only need to include potentially one more child instead of 2.

I still want a big family. I'm still planning that our family will grow. But I'm also beginning to find contentment with here and now, not always anxious looking for future happiness. I know this feeling comes from the Lord. I am grateful for his blessings in my life. I am thankful for His comfort when my hopes are not realized, especially with the prospect of Kevin probably leaving in the next week or so, meaning not pregnant now means probably not pregnant until sometime in the Spring. I love my Husband, too.

I guess that's all for now.

Signing off.

It Was A Sign

This is why I am pregnant today:

So, it is possible this is the first day of my pregnancy. And then this morning I waited to eat as I was making breakfast. I got to the point, as I do every morning, of feeling some pangs of hunger that usually pass after not too long and then I can enjoy my meal. Only this time they didn't pass. They got worse. And worse and worse. And I started feeling nauseated. I thought, "I need to eat something now before I can't and then I throw up. So I got some crackers and some peach juic e. It helped a little, but not completely. I was making pancakes and I continued mixing up the batter. I heated the griddles and poured the first ladles full when suddenly the smell of the batter hitting the hot griddles hit my olefactory nerves and I almost lost it. I had to leave the room so I didn't retch. I traded Kevin getting the kids dressed for making pancakes, and I stayed out of the room until they were all cooked and was then able to eat them for breakfast.

Later on that morning I learned about a medical emergency that a family in our ward is having and for which we were being asked to fast. Knowing how sick not eating made me this morning, I decided that I will join in prayer, but it would be better for me to keep eating regularly. Is it absolutely horrible of me, in the midst of another person's crisis, to even let such self-centered thoughts cross my mind as that perhaps I was given morning sickness today so that I would know not to fast my now (probably) pregnant body later on? Cause if it is horrible, I didn't think it. But if it's not so terribly horrible, then maybe I did just a little bit. Maybe if I don't feel sick at all tomorrow morning I will fast then. I do really hope and pray that all is well for this family and that recoveries are swift and complete.

OK, that's enough obsessing for the day. I do see the Hand of the Lord in my life. In real ways as well as neurotic ways. Even the mere fact that our bodies hold together and continue running every day, all day long seems like a miracle sometimes, especially when you see very close to home a medical issue come up out of the blue and strike down a seemingly healthy and normally functioning mother. Why did it happen? Wrong question. How is it that that doesn't happen to each of us all the time, every day? I am so grateful for my health and my family's health. I love my God, and I am grateful that he provides for me even when I twist every blessing to fit my own (widely publicized) secert desires.

Still not Pregnant

Not that there's really been any time for this to change yet, but I did say I would keep you posted. It took a couple of weeks of intermittent temperature taking to determine this definitely. I guess I must have miscarried both not-yet-implanted twins. I decided that I must have been carrying twins because of how very strong my pregnancy symptoms were from literally day 1. I am very confident that I didn't make them up or induce them because I didn't think I had ovulated yet and I know that I am not feeling them any more. My sense of smell is back to normal, I'm not feeling sick every morning, and I can eat whatever I cook.

So, being pregnant for almost two weeks during your luteal phase is closer to being pregnant than not being pregnant at all, right? So probably I have a better chance of getting pregnant next time than I have had previously, right? So since my I'm a week and a half past the start of my last period and it's very likely that I will be getting pregnant next time then I get to claim to be in my second week of pregnancy, right? Right.